I told myself I’d get to bed early. It’s been one of those days, filled with emotion and busyness and errands and work, and I’m just tired. I told myself that if I went to bed early enough tonight, I’d be able to get up and get twice as much done tomorrow, which is exactly what needs to happen.
Yet here I sit, typing. I have to keep typing until she goes to sleep; that sweet not-so-little-girl-anymore in the room down the hall, crying tonight because she doesn’t want fifth grade to end. I’ve told her it’s just begun, but she’s still already mourning her loss.
I understand. Going from what she’s called her third home to a big, new school without the safety net of her friends is scary. Not being able to see her friends every day, she says, will be awful. She will miss them. And I feel her sadness so sharply I have to hold back my own tears, so I cradle and we rock, and I make her giggle when she blows her nose. Then I come back to my room and type, hoping that the clicking of the keys will lull her to sleep…a bit of expected in her newly anticipated topsy turvy world.
Then I realize that I signed up for Kat & Meredith’s August Moon 2013 prompts but have been too busy to do them. Perhaps a bit of catch up is in order.
Day 1: Intentions. How have you treated yourself this year? Have you kept your intentions? Honestly…I don’t know that I’ve kept many of my intentions. I still stay up too late, drink too much caffeine and haven’t lost that weight I said I would. But the things I said I’d do, as opposed to the things I said I’d restrict, have brought so much light into my year. I’ve listened to more music, traveled to more places, spent more one on one time with the kids and am finally getting used to the quiet that many of my days have become. I’m still learning to treat myself well, but I’ve been able to enjoy a few treats along the way.
Day 2: Transitions: We are about to enter into a gentler season i.e. Autumn/Fall if you’re in the Northern Hemisphere, Spring if you’re in the Southern Hemisphere. For me, these seasons often feel like a relief after the intensity of Summer and Winter. How do you intend to transition into the new season? I intend to transition with such gratitude for Fall. I’ve never really enjoyed summer; I burn easily, I’m uncomfortable in the heat and it generally makes me grumpy. But Fall? I adore everything about Fall, and so does my girl. We’re giddy with anticipation, and that alone makes me happy.
Day 3: Blessings: Sometimes we get too caught up with life’s circumstances. Count the blessings you’ve had to be grateful for this year. Oh, so many, even if I didn’t see them as blessings to begin with. Always my kids and how they’re growing into such interesting young adults. I’ve been thankful for our quiet moments together reading books or chatting about life, the trips we took to Hays and to the lake, the time spent with family, the steady work, the ability to work from home, good friends and unlimited opportunity. I loved going to Blissdom and meeting new friends, I’m excited about going to TypeA and, while a little overwhelmed with everything going on right now, I’m so looking forward to the new projects starting now.
Day 4: Word: What word did you choose as your travelling companion in 2013? How is it working for you? Where have the surprises been? I chose the word embrace for 2013, and it’s served me well. It keeps me grounded when things get crazy, and the word alone reminds me to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. I think it’s my word that led to the travel and the music and the opportunities like going to TedxKC…usually I’d be worried about what I “should” be doing or which deadlines were looming, but by choosing to embrace opportunities whenever possible, I’ve learned that I have the power to live life and work. That’s a new thing for me!
Day 5: Yearnings: Have you developed new yearnings so far this year? Let go of old ones? Totally skipping this one, but only because I seem to be stuck on the same roller coaster of yearning for things/circumstances I just can’t have right now. And that’s ok.
Day 6: Zeniths and Nadirs: Where have the highlights and low points been for you so far in 2013? Where are you now? How would you like your year to end? My low points were losing Grandma Hedy and losing what I thought was love. The highlights were seeing Nicholas “fly” a plane; spending a day in a swimsuit and in the wave pool with Nicholas and Erin and not giving one flying flip what I looked like in said swimsuit; having all three of my kids with me on a weekend vacation; family time over the 4th of July; hearing Nicholas remind me that it was time to curl up on the couch and read together; hearing Erin say ‘thank you Mommy. I love you’ earlier tonight; being a part of Listen to Your Mother; dancing at the Maroon5 concert; pitching articles that got picked up; going to Royals games they actually won; being front row with a terrific friend at TEDxKC and so many more. There should be no doubt in my mind, ever, that I am blessed beyond measure.
As for how I’d like my year to end, I’m still thinking about that one. There are so many good things creeping into my life right now, I need to let them breathe a bit, and see how they develop before I start trying to fit them into a box. Besides, a little bit of mystery is good for the soul; at least it is for this soul.
Linking up with Kat and Meredith’s August Moon ’13 series. Visit them and join us!