Reverb10 Day 12– Body Integration: This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?  Courtesy of  Patrick Reynolds.

This makes me nervous, but it really doesn’t take  a Rhodes Scholar to figure out that as an overweight, tired, 40 year old woman I don’t always feel integrated with my body. In fact, I’d venture to say that more often than not, I feel more of an outer-body experience whenever I catch a glimpse in the mirror.

Don’t get me wrong; I know the right answer. I feel integrated with my body when I take care of it. When I appreciate it. When I feed it well, stretch it out and pamper it a bit. I feel integrated when I feel alive; when I’m walking, downward-dogging and enjoying that long, slow, deep stretch as I wake up in the morning.

Lately, though, there’s more disintegration than integration. There’s the convenience food rather than the food that feeds not only the body but the soul; the excuses that preempted the walks and the downward dog devotion; the lethargy that kept me hitting the snooze rather than the ground running.

I’m making changes now that will, hopefully, lead to a very different reality come 2011. First and foremost, I’m learning that the integration starts in the mind; not the body. Choosing to be grateful for this body, what it does and the amazing gifts it gives me rather than berating it for the extra fluff it’s held on to is step one. Breathing…deep, slow, filling breaths. That’s step two. Getting help is step three. Step four is accountability. And step five is celebrating. I’ve never celebrated the tiny baby steps in being a better me, but I am an expert in beating myself up for not reaching the end goal. Not a coincidence that my actions perpetuate the circle. And I’m the only one who can change it.