Is that a word? If not it should be. Been thinking about why I’ve been putting things off–no papers filed yet, just now starting to try to sell business inventory, trying to get things that I’ve neglected in order.

Why is it, that I’m a college-educated, responsible, functioning woman but I put all these things off and sweep as much under the rug as I can? I know that it’s stupid, I know that it will only cause more problems, I know that it won’t make anything better, but yet I continue to do it.

I thought today that maybe it’s because by selling the inventory and filing the papers I’m admitting defeat. I’m admitting that I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do or fix everything that was broken. I’m walking into areas and I don’t know what they hold–it’s frustrating working for someone else, it’s scary to end a relationship and wonder what’s next (if, indeed, there is anything next). So it all comes down to pure and simple fear and procrastination.

From the outside I look at what I’m doing and think “oh grow up already”.

In other news, Adam will go visit Santa Fe Trail today. I was really freaked out that he would not be able to transfer to PRT with his current class, then talked to a friend at church whose son “should” be going to PRT and they’re sending him to SFT. Turns out PRT has huge overcrowding and bullying issues. And while SFT isn’t the “rock star” school when it comes to grades and test scores, it’s not the loser school either. And they’re implementing programs no other jr. high has, like speech class and leadership development. Adam will still be able to do advanced Math and Quest… we’re excited for him to go visit. I still can’t believe, though, that he’ll be in junior high. Wow, I feel old!