At first glance it seems the same. 

Pretty much.

About this time last year I was thinking too much about Mother's Day. Getting wrapped up in school events and dreading the thought of the pull between restless kids and working at home during summer break and  juggling deadlines and profiles and not making time to work on my own projects.

This time last year I was spending time with someone I trusted, and I didn't think I'd be writing another chapter of my 'Thank You' book. I was looking forward to Royals games and movie nights and gardens brimming with tomatoes so intense they needed nothing but a sprinkle of salt to transport my taste buds to summery bliss.  I was cruising Pinterest for activities and ideas for a Summer bucket list and hoping that there would be time to not just provide for my kids, but to enjoy our summer together.

This year is pretty much the same. 

Except it's not.

I'm still thinking too much about Mother's Day, but this year I'm getting naked on stage (metaphorically speaking, of course) and speaking my story out loud for others to hear. I'm still wrapped up in school events, but this year it's planning a finals care package to ship half a state away and prepping for 'the talk' that will happen with both N and E. 

Trust has been shattered, a new chapter is being written and time is now again open for not only Royals games but bar-be-ques and trips and new adventures. My own projects seem more urgent, more important, more pressing. 

That's new. Welcome. Overdue.

I'm pinning new lists and mapping new routes and doing everything with a renewed confidence and determination that I don't remember feeling last year. That's the funny thing when the outside seems to change only by a wrinkle or two but the inside grows in relation to the tide; appearances lie, impressions fade and when push comes to shove we can either focus on the seagulls and the shit they leave, or we can channel our inner duck and keep paddling.

This is me, paddling.

*I'm reading CC Chapman's new book Amazing Things Will Happen. I'm enjoying it. You can find CC here

Linking up with Mama Kat's Writing Workshop today. This post inspired by prompt #4: Look into your archives. What were you blogging about a year ago around this time? Are you still dealing with the same thing? Your thoughts?