You know, I usually really love being a mom. Really, truly I do (and that’s saying more than you know, unless you knew me back in the ‘there’s no way in hell I’d ever have kids’ part of my life).
Until days like today. Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, nothing horrible happened. No one was bleeding, there were no emergency room visits, and it all ended with the usual bedtime routine. But the middle part–I’m exhausted.
It was one of those days where no one was happy–about anything. And I mean a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. They bickered (in the Bill Cosby-style of ‘she’s looking at me; make her stop looking at me!!!) incessently; they growled at each other; they muttered under their breaths. The highlight of the day came when I pulled the car over in the McDonald’s parking lot to give them a lecture about being grateful. I’m sure that’s a memory they’ll be happy to recount in therapy somewhere down the road.
It brought up that dirty little word again that I’m starting to really loathe: enough. Nothing’s every good enough. Someone has an MP3 player that holds more songs, so theirs isn’t good enough even though it’s no where close to being full; they all got new shoes yesterday but one cost $2 more than the other, so there had to be a crying fit; Erin threw a fit that the boys got haircuts when she didn’t (when she didn’t even want her hair cut). What’s the deal? I’ve never thought of my kids as anything close to spoiled but now maybe I’m rethinking that opinion.
There was a look of absolute horror on Nicholas’ face when I suggested living ‘without’ for a day so we’d be more grateful for all we DO have; I guess the thought of no tv, cable, MP3, computer, games, etc, etc, etc, didn’t set well with him. How else do I get it across, though, that they live a pretty damn good life? Granted, it’s not the typical ‘Johnson county’ life, but it’s by no means destitute.
I think part of my job as a mom is to instill an empathy and an awareness of what they’ve been blessed with. I failed at that today, and only hope that tomorrow brings another chance.