I complain a lot. Here on this blog, to friends who will listen, to myself. I try not to, really I do, but I fail. Often. It hit me tonight that maybe I complain too much because I set my expectations too high.

I expect a lot out of myself and when I fall short (ahem….far too often) I complain. I expect a lot out of others and when they fall short I complain. I expect a lot from my kids, from my family, from my work and from life in general. No wonder I complain…with expectations this high I’m pretty much guaranteeing a whine and moan session.

Not that I am advocating descent into slacker mode, although the thought of crawling under the covers and not emerging except for yummy treats and an occasional Facebook check is incredibly appealing these days; heck, the thought of sleeping in for a few hours is appealing. But no, I’d go crazy if I completely slacked off. What I’m talking about is changing my expectations from perfect and balanced to something a bit more realistic.

My beautiful and wise friend Kendri blogged about this not long ago and her words stuck with me. As women we tend to talk a lot about balance; finding it, losing it, wishing for it and cursing the lack of it. Kendri’s on to something, though, when she talks about finding harmony instead of balance. Setting priorities and allowing those to ebb and flow depending on a variety of factors.

Perhaps if I was able to say ‘Today was a good day because I made progress on projects and accomplished fabulous things at work and then enjoyed a yummy dinner with the kids’ instead of ‘I didn’t get enough done today’ I could start focusing on the harmony that is already there, just waiting for acknowledgment.

That’s a pretty big expectation of myself (see, it’s a hard habit to break) because I’ve been going in this cycle for–oh–about 40 years or so. OK, maybe 30. Still long enough to let the habit entrench pretty darn stubbornly and kick and scream when I try to change it.

But I’m up for the challenge. So if we know each other in real life (or in cyber life, even) and you catch me whining you’re welcome to call me out on it. I’m going to go with what the wise and all-powerful Oprah once said: “You can have it all,just not all at the same time.”

Kendri AND Oprah can’t be wrong.