#reverb 13 Day one: How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?

Oy. The only word that truly fits is heavy. That word has fit for far too long, actually. Heavy heart. Heavy spirit. Heavy thoughts.

Sometimes this happens with me; the funk sets in and won’t let go, drawing the shades on one day after another until time just seems an endless expanse of grey.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t good things. There are friends, family, kids—always the kids—that bring me smiles and giggles and fantastic time outs full of color and noise and happy. There are kick ass concerts and bottles of wine and goals and new projects that pull back the shades for a bit, but somehow the heavy comes back even when it’s unwelcome. Sometimes it stays for weeks, other times only for an hour or two. I think it wants to remind that it’s always there, that it can have its way with me if I let it, that it can win if it decides that’s what it wants to do.

I’m planning to pretend it won’t stay this month. I’m decorating and making lists and scheduling and generally ignoring the grey even though it’s there, sharp as grey can be in peripheral vision. I’m telling myself that twinkly and blinking lights and endless mugs of hot chocolate can force it away for awhile.

But today, right now, I feel heavy.

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I’m thankful to Kat McNally for leading #reverb13. If you’re unfamiliar with the phenomenon that is #reverb, you can read about it at Kat’s place. I plan to participate as much as possible this year, and I’m excited to see Kat’s prompts pop up in my inbox each day. It’s never too late to join, if you’re so inclined.