Steel Magnolias is one of those movies that when I see it on tv–doesn’t even have to be uncut cable, commercial-ridden Oxygen works for me too–I get sucked in. Doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen it, I have to watch. It’s like crack (for suburban moms, that is).

Love the one liners in this movie and I find myself repeating this one far too often….’poor Sammy’s so confused, he doens’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt’. I have one thing to say to Sammy: Welcome to my world.

I know this is a time of growth as well as a time of faith. I am weighing choices that are difficult to make and I’m trying to see the signs and guidance from sources much wiser than me in my everyday life. Case in point: I am STILL looking for a “real job”. I desperately need a steady income, health insurance, and some sort of support system that just doesn’t come with part time contract work.

Then, on Monday night, Erin got sick. Nothing life threatening but bad enough that I’ve been home with her for two days. That means no work, which means no income. So as I break out in a cold sweat worrying about that, I’m also painfully aware that I am so blessed to be ‘out of work’ right now. I didnt’ have to ask anyone for time off to care for my child; I didn’t have to call in ‘sick’ to be with her; I didn’t have to leave her with a stranger.

I find myself feeling the pull that every mom feels at one point or another–the need to provide for them (which means being away from them to work) and the need to be with them (to nurture, to comfort, to guide). These past two days I’ve worked….but there is no pay for what I do at home. And that’s not a complaint, it’s simply reality. So unlike others who can take jobs on the side to earn ‘extra’ money, I spend that time being mom. Doesn’t make me lazy or less driven….it just is what it is.

I’m at that point, though, where I think I need to clone myself and figure out how I can make enough money to provide a nice life for my kids and still spend enough time with them that they recognize me when I show up to their high school graduation. Surely that’s not asking too much, is it?