I'm a slave to my phone. I admit it. I get antsy if I can't check Twitter, Facebook, email, Instagram, whatever. And it's not just a 'check it and forget it' kind of thing; it's a check it, check it, check it, check it kind of thing because God forbid I might miss something in the three minutes I let lapse in between all of that checking.
What started as a fun way to stay connected with those who matter to me, though, has become more a ball and chain to people I don't even really want in my life. You know who I'm talking about; in my world it's the ones I've dated, the ones who've ditched me and the ones who suck more out of my life than they contribute. It's a surreal thing that today people can exit our everyday but still stay so tethered to our consciousness. How can 'out of sight' still be 'out of mind' when we're friends with or following someone on social media?
And, yes, I totally cop to actively using social media to peek in on those people no longer in my real life to see what they're up to. I don't just notice that we're still connected when I see their update pop up in my feed; I go looking for them. Why? Hell if I know. If they weren't kind or interesting or funny in real life chances are I'll just see more of the same online, and I validate that every flipping time I 'check'. I realized yesterday that I don't even know what I'm checking for.
So today I change that. Today I deleted old text messages from my phone, unfriended people who were anything but friendly to me in real life and unfollowed some who don't contribute anything that serves me well.
I wish that digital spring cleaning was as easy as the traditional kind; if I scrub a wall of fingerprints and smudges, eventually those blemishes disappear and my wall is once again clean and fresh. Same can't be said of my psyche, however, and even if I unfollow and block and replace those friends and follows with people who lift me up and embrace all of me, the scuffs of unkind words and deeds remain.
And only for new because I know that just as new friends and lots of laughter and good, long talks will renew my outlook on love, friendship and trust, new posts will eventually wash away the ick of tweets and status updates of the past. But only if I make room for the new. That happens today.